Posted in Spiritual Sundays

Spiritual Sunday: Why Me?

The title of the post may be misconstrued as a desperate plea. Let me assure you that that’s not the case.

Now that that’s out of the way, some logistical mumbo jumbo, as I haven’t done a Spiritual Sunday post in awhile:

Spiritual Sundays are my musings on religion or lack thereof.  Because this will undoubtedly be a hot-button topic, I ask that all commenters be respectful to everyone else participating in the conversation. It takes a lot of guts for me to talk about something so personal, and I’d like to think that the blog followers I attract are people who are good people in the world.  I know that in reality that it’s not humanly possible to completely control whether or not someone is kind, but a girl can dream, can’t she?  Anyhow, even though these will probably be the most difficult posts for me to write, I think they are also the most necessary for me to write.  Bear with me.

Thank you!  And with that, read on!

 

I’ve been pretty glum this last week. I specifically use the word “glum” and not depressed because as someone who has been diagnosed with clinical depression (which I’ve gotten under control), I know the difference.

Glum

 

In life, I’ve been dealt a pretty lucky hand: I have caring friends, a fiercely loyal family despite numerous communication flaws, a faithful husband who loves me, and the cutest doggie that provides me so much happiness. I have a roof over my head, electricity, clothes, and enough food to not go hungry. So far (knock on wood…we’ll get into that more later) my life hasn’t seen huge tragedy.  Then I start to wonder/panic–what if nothing bad has happened because horrible tragedy is to come?  I can’t even imagine how I’ll handle it, and in the meantime I “overcorrect”:  wincing at pretty much everything while in the passenger seat of the car, making much much more of a point to make sure I tell my hubby I love him in case it’s the last time I see him, fretting about every little thing out of place.

 

My friends and family, though, have definitely had their share and more of tragedy. There have been injuries through accidents.  There have been financial hardships. There have been harsh breakups and abuse. Most overwhelmingly, there have been many who have lost loved ones, and not even through natural causes. Death has come their way by means of cancer, suicide, war, and natural disasters. These are people taken before their time.

 

It breaks my heart to see so much suffering among loved ones. On a larger scale, it makes me sad to see so much worldwide suffering—shooting victims, those who suffer extreme poverty, etc. My overactive mind thinks a lot about these things, and even more so in the last week because a few more lives have been lost to various unnatural causes.

 

So I ask, “Why? Why me?” Why is it that I’ve been lucky enough to get through life so far without something so cripplingly awful? Why do some people have so many bad things happen to them, over and over again, in a short span of time? What do I do differently to deserve the better hand?

 

The answer is nothing. They did nothing bad to deserve pain, and I did nothing good enough to warrant so many blessings in my life.That doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t ache for these people. I want to take the pain away, and I feel so helpless in these situations. It’s not that I’m asking God to have these horrible things happen to me instead. Not by a longshot. On the contrary, I wish it would be so there wouldn’t be as much suffering for those around me.

 

During these times, I think of the theory that if there were never any suffering, one would never be able to know that they’re happy in comparison. “Without great tragedy, there is no great happiness.” Or something like that. I’m not sure how I feel about that right now. Right now all I can think about is how I want all this suffering to stop, if even just for a day.

 

And I continue to count my blessings, and be there the best I can be for those who have had those blessings taken away. Maybe that’s the best I can do.

 

To a Lack of Suffering, and Knowing Which Blessings You Have in Your Life,

Violet

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