Begin to believe in myself again.
Do you ever get into a cycle of thinking you’re not good at anything? I know that’s where I’ve been for the last several months. Today, though, came a success that may look minuscule to most, but to me it worked to restore my faith that maybe I CAN do something right. So for me, this success is immense. Here’s a preview of my awesomeness returning:
Money has been tight lately. Over the holidays I was able to find part-time seasonal work to help offset some bills. I allowed myself a little bit of spending money, and even though hubby reassured me that I’d earned a treat for myself, when I went to spend it, I still felt extremely guilty.
Anyway. I guess that’s neither here nor there.
In the last weeks of winter, I decided to purchase a lovely candle that I’d been eyeing for myself, in the scent of my very favorite flower (daffodils) to welcome the coming spring.
Once March 20th rolled around, I excitedly started burning the candle as I usually do: without any rhyme or reason. Just light and enjoy.
About 4 or 5 burns later, I looked at my candle, a bit dismayed. The candle didn’t burn all the way to the edges. While I’ve had many candles in the past that had the same problem, this time the concave center seemed especially pronounced. My “treat myself” candle wasn’t cheap, and I didn’t want most of the wax to go to waste.
So I Googled “candle won’t burn to the edges” and came upon the actual phrase for it: tunneling. Yay for learning!
The top picture I tried crinkling it just around the edges like one of the videos, but it still didn’t burn all the way to the edges, even after about 3 hours, so I felt a bit discouraged.
Full disclosure: my success took about 4 or 5 tries, but I was determined.
I played around with different foil techniques: bunching, tenting, pinching. Doming it low, doming it high. Double-insulating, single-insulating. All tries turned out to be the close-but-no-cigar variety.
Until today. Today I did just a bit more research, looking up images of the foil trick. I came upon one where the foil didn’t cover the entire base of the candle; rather, it only covered the top part. Eureka! I adjusted the foil, and after only half an hour, I felt the (covered, therefore unseen) sides of the candle and realized it was much hotter to the touch than it had been in previous tries. I had a good feeling about this. Tentatively, I lifted its foil cover to find this beautiful sight:
So this is what has had me so excited that I had to go and bring this blog out of hibernation. I’ve been looking for some life motivation lately–as cheesy as it sounds, a sign of sorts–that I will get through this rough patch of feeling wholly inadequate. There may be no better sign than a flame being kindled.
So watch out, world! Today, an even burn has been accomplished. Tomorrow, I plan to actually contribute some writing to Written Word Wednesday. After that? Greatness, dear readers. Greatness.
Or at least one can hope. Because I need it, and I’m tired of feeling less than great.
To Bright Signs That This, Too, Shall Pass,