Do you ever get into a cycle of thinking you’re not good at anything? I know that’s where I’ve been for the last several months. Today, though, came a success that may look minuscule to most, but to me it worked to restore my faith that maybe I CAN do something right. So for me, this success is immense. Here’s a preview of my awesomeness returning:
Money has been tight lately. Over the holidays I was able to find part-time seasonal work to help offset some bills. I allowed myself a little bit of spending money, and even though hubby reassured me that I’d earned a treat for myself, when I went to spend it, I still felt extremely guilty.
Anyway. I guess that’s neither here nor there.
In the last weeks of winter, I decided to purchase a lovely candle that I’d been eyeing for myself, in the scent of my very favorite flower (daffodils) to welcome the coming spring.
Once March 20th rolled around, I excitedly started burning the candle as I usually do: without any rhyme or reason. Just light and enjoy.
About 4 or 5 burns later, I looked at my candle, a bit dismayed. The candle didn’t burn all the way to the edges. While I’ve had many candles in the past that had the same problem, this time the concave center seemed especially pronounced. My “treat myself” candle wasn’t cheap, and I didn’t want most of the wax to go to waste.
So I Googled “candle won’t burn to the edges” and came upon the actual phrase for it: tunneling. Yay for learning!
A fewYouTubevideos later, I felt confident enough to try the foil trick on my own.
The top picture I tried crinkling it just around the edges like one of the videos, but it still didn’t burn all the way to the edges, even after about 3 hours, so I felt a bit discouraged.
Full disclosure: my success took about 4 or 5 tries, but I was determined.
I played around with different foil techniques: bunching, tenting, pinching. Doming it low, doming it high. Double-insulating, single-insulating. All tries turned out to be the close-but-no-cigar variety.
Until today. Today I did just a bit more research, looking up images of the foil trick. I came upon one where the foil didn’t cover the entire base of the candle; rather, it only covered the top part. Eureka! I adjusted the foil, and after only half an hour, I felt the (covered, therefore unseen) sides of the candle and realized it was much hotter to the touch than it had been in previous tries. I had a good feeling about this. Tentatively, I lifted its foil cover to find this beautiful sight:
So this is what has had me so excited that I had to go and bring this blog out of hibernation. I’ve been looking for some life motivation lately–as cheesy as it sounds, a sign of sorts–that I will get through this rough patch of feeling wholly inadequate. There may be no better sign than a flame being kindled.
So watch out, world! Today, an even burn has been accomplished. Tomorrow, I plan to actually contribute some writing to Written Word Wednesday. After that? Greatness, dear readers. Greatness.
Or at least one can hope. Because I need it, and I’m tired of feeling less than great.
I’m afraid I’m a bit rusty with this whole writing a blog post thing, so this may be a bit sloppy. BUT, I am writing, and that is something. How have you all been? I know for me it has been almost a full year and a half since I’ve written anything, and boy, has my life been a whirlwind since I last wrote!
I have to say that I’ve been out of sorts for awhile. Those who know me know how much I love reading and writing. I don’t think I’ve written anything significant since at least September of last year (it’s most likely longer). It is almost March–three months into 2016–and I have yet to finish my first book of the new year (I’m about halfway through). Not good enough, I say. Not. Good. Enough.
I’ve been trying to get the willpower up to do a new blog post for at least the last several months. A couple days ago, inspiration struck. I saw a link on The Daily Post, and I immediately thought, “Okay. I’m ready to start blogging again”:
Probably since around October or November, I’ve hit what some might call a quarter-life crisis. Problem is, I’m 8 years past the quarter-life crisis age. I was basically given an ultimatum to figure out the ONE SPECIFIC THING I wanted to do with my life. No Plan B-Z. No different paths to choose from. No “umbrella” goal where I can branch out into different possibilities. “It’s too many options,” my ultimatum-giver (who shall remain nameless) said. “Nothing else has worked so far, so it’s time to put all your eggs in one basket and just go for it.”
So I’ve gone on a sometimes-painful, sometimes-exhausting, always-terrifying soul search these last several months.
Truth? I’ve come up pretty empty. I started a Pinterest board entitled “Who I Want to Be”, and I have to admit I almost broke down in tears because I couldn’t come up with one single pin for at least a month. (That’s saying a lot, considering that I have a total of over 8,000 pins for all my other boards. So yeah, obviously no problems there.) I’m nearly done with the newest edition of “What Color is Your Parachute?” (this is the third time I’ve attempted to finish this book over the years, and this time is the closest I’ve gotten to actually finishing it), and that’s helping a bit. We’ll see where that goes.
Loooooooooong story short, after nearly 34 years of life, I’ve come back to the horrifying question of “Who Am I?”.
I thought I knew. I came out of college, a bit overconfident in my success of figuring out what I wanted to do, while others my age had no freaking clue what they wanted to do or who they wanted to be.
Now I’m struggling with that.
What I do know–the one, universal thing; the compass that has remained true for what I feel has been my entire life–is that I love words. I have always loved words, and I will always love words. So that’s a start. Let’s start with that, and go from there, shall we?
Here are some of my favorite quotes. My “trumpet blasts”, if you will:
Another Emerson quote:
What is Success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.
This one is my very favorite Martin Luther King, Jr. quote. Confession: I first came upon it while reading Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl’s “Beautiful Creatures”. But I loved it so much that I’ve been strongly considering getting it as a tattoo. I even went so far as to take some Sharpies and writing it on my thigh to see if I liked the look of it on my body. I did. 🙂
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
I have so many favorite quotes, but these have been the ones I’ve gone to over and over again throughout the years; the ones that give me strength; the ones I share with others time and time again. So yes, I suppose you could say these are my “Bible verses” of sorts.
Now comes the hard part: my own truth. The message I’d like to share and have others put in their inspirational journals. Well, I think that would take a lot of searching through my old journals and poems. For now, I’ll leave these quotes from a poem I wrote during my whirlwind last year, when a lot of my writing came from when I was a mentor for kiddos (more specifics later):
I’ll be a warrior of confidence,
turn the careful stippling on of my face paint
into a definitive slap so forceful
that wet specks splatter onto my eyelashes,
and I don’t blink.
an arrogant sword is made stronger
by tempering it with humility
I think at this point in my life, those two speak to my truth more than anything right now. I’m striving to be confident. In so many aspects of my life: myself, my future, my goals, my opinions. I’m not there yet, but I hope to work on getting to that “definitive slap” level.
As far as the arrogance, I’d like to think I’m far from that. But I’ve run into a lot of arrogant people, and I hope to bring them the humility to temper their arrogant sword.
And there it is! Whoa! A completed blog post! My first in almost a year and a half. I’m going to click publish now, before I lose the nerve.
But before I do that, some questions to answer in the comments: what is YOUR own truth? What are your favorite quotes that get you through life? What are you struggling with right now? Are you going through a crisis of some sort? Do you know what you want to do with your life? What inspires you? Or if anything, just give me a big ol’ hello and let me know how it’s going. I’ve missed you all. ❤
Wow, what a weekend! How were all of yours? September is my whirlwind month of celebration after celebration, rendering my wallet empty and begging for mercy. My older brother’s, mother’s, and hubby’s birthdays are all one week apart, and that’s only my immediate family! Many of my friends have September birthdays as well, which leads me to the conclusion that the December holidays are the perfect for a, um…”snuggle”.
Anyhow, celebration weekend #1 concluded this weekend, and now I’m ready to get back into the groove of a work week, and consequently, blogging. (Week 2 of a failed every-day blog posting attempt. *sigh* This week’s a new week and a new opportunity, I suppose.) Let’s kick it off with another round of Friend Makin’ Monday!
Since a lot of the questions deal with “if you were…etc.”, I’ve titled this one:
An Alternate Life
If you’ve taken part in Friend Makin Mondays before then you are familiar with the rules. If you’re new, please take a momentto answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at Losing Weight and Having Fun so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too soeveryone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to read andcomment on a couple of other posts. I would love some topic/question suggestions from all of you, please email your ideas tome firstname.lastname@example.org Thanks This week’s random questions come from Tyra at Random Acts of Snark.Thanks Tyra. 1. If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be? I’d say asparagus…sometimes tough on the outside and I’m good after I’m warmed up. And that I tend to be better when I’ve had time holing up somewhere out of the sun (like white asparagus). 2. If you woke up tomorrow as an animal, what animal would you choose to be and why? I’d like to be a dolphin. They seem so happy and playful, and they can swim, which I can’t do very well. Though I’d like to go without the whole accidental being caught in a net thing. 3. If you could live anywhere on this planet, and take everything that you love with you, where would you choose to live? Tell the group about your choice. You know, I took one of those random “where should you live/go on vacation” quizzes online and I got Helsinki, Finland, and after doing some research on it, I’d have to agree. The skyline is beautiful, it seems there’s something for everyone there, they have gorgeous winter scenery, and the national library. Guys, I could probably spend my entire life just in this library alone: 4. What favorite color are you and how does being that color make you feel? I’ve been obsessed with purple for a really long time. I always feel more confident when I’m wearing the right shade of purple for me, which is close to a rich blue-violet. I also like lavender, which makes me feel feminine but not overtly so. 5. If you could choose an imaginary friend, who would you choose and why? I never knew there were imaginary friends to “choose” from; I always thought they were all unique and of your own imagination and for you only. Intriguing. Is there an Island of Imaginary Friends somewhere? 🙂 I remember in junior high I made up an imaginary friend (does that make sense?)–not a “real” imaginary friend, but more of a parody of an imaginary friend, if you will. My friend’s parody imaginary friend was a leprechaun named Marty that she kept in her shoe, so in turn I had a pixie on my shoulder named Love, who was a cheerleader that bopped people on the nose whenever they made fun of me. It was a riot. I had great fun doing fake-serious Marty/Love skits with my friend. 6. If you could sit on a bench in a beautiful woods, who would you like sitting next to you on the bench and why? My doggie Dexter. He’d be able to appreciate the setting quietly with me, and we could cuddle and I could just enjoy his big doggie smile. Little slice of paradise right there, if you ask me.
This guy just loves the woods.
7. Are you sunrise, daylight, twilight, or night? Please share why you picked your time of day? Twilight. Everything’s winding down and the blinding sun is going away. Good time to relax with a book and some tea.
8. If you could choose your age forever, what age would you choose and why? Gosh, that’s hard. In the past, I answered this question with “eight”, because that was by far my favorite year of life so far, because it was so happy and carefree with little responsibilities. At the same time, there are some fun things about adulthood that I’d miss out on if I were eight forever. Maybe 28? Still young enough to not look silly doing “young” things, but still old enough to have experienced some of what life has to offer, mature enough to be married and have kids, and I’d be old enough to drink and rent a car and all that good stuff.
9. If you could be in the movie of your choice, what movie would you choose and what character would you play? Not a lot of people have heard about this movie, but I’d be in Camp Nowhere, playing the role of Gaby. Everyone just looked like they had a blast shooting this movie, and then I’d also get to cozy up with Jonathan Jackson. Not too shabby. 🙂
10. If you could meet any historical figure, who would you choose and why? Ben Franklin. After reading his autobiography many years back, I’ve been fascinated with him. He had many great ideas and inventions that I’d love to just introduce him to the modern world and see what he thinks about it. Can you imagine how much his mind would be blown by computers?!?
A friend of mine, both in real life and in the blogging world (check out her blog, The Glittered Pterodactyl. It’s pretty spiffy!), is an inspiration to me because she practices her craft on a regular basis. I love her artwork, even though it’s “just” the ones in her art journal. For reals, guys, if she made them into prints and/or notecards? I would easily run out of money.
Why am I bringing this up? Well, for one, I really do think her artwork is awesome. Secondly, I’ve been a bad writer lately. I’ve fallen out of the habit of practicing my craft. I used to make it a point to write in my journal at least ten minutes a day, and if it wasn’t that, then at least do a blog post. Obviously I haven’t been doing well on the latter, but I’m just so disappointed in myself that I’ve (in my mind) turned my back and ignored one of the things I love the most.
Today I hope to break that cycle. I’m not feeling inspired, but I did make a goal for myself to post every day this week, and I also miss writing. So I’m going to respond to one of the daily prompts from The Daily Post (just fyi it’s not the current one–it’s a few days back). I’m going to warn you right now: it’s not my best, by any means, and I’m not putting much effort into it. That’s why I’m not going to do a pingback, because I would be ashamed to put my rushed work amongst those who have put a lot more into it.
But I wrote something. And for that I’m damn proud. Here it is!
You’re sitting at a café when a stranger approaches you. This person asks what your name is, and, for some reason, you reply. The stranger nods, “I’ve been looking for you.” What happens next?
I felt like a glutton, double-fisting a sour cream lemon bar and tuxedo mocha. It had been a long time since I’d treated myself to something that actually involved spending any money. While placing my order, I told myself that I’d savor the mini luxuries, making both last for as long as I could.
I failed at the first bite and sip, trying to figure out how much and how quickly I could fit into my maw without choking. I must’ve looked like the beginnings of a soft core porn, coffee dribbling down my neck and forming a muted caramel-colored circular stain on the white-and-lavender polka dot scarf I threw on in an attempt to look equal parts sophisticated and artsy, streusel crumbs sticking to my lip glossed smirk.
With as much decorum as I could muster, I grabbed the balled-up napkin I used as a coaster and dabbed at the corners of my lips before I responded.
“Have you, now? And who sent for me?”
He takes his right hand out of his pocket and extends it towards mine to shake, his left hand displaying a text conversation.
“You said Violet, right? Is this you?”
I glance quickly at his phone, skimming the important pieces and careful not to linger too much on what was obviously a private affair. My eyes focus on the last two lines:
NMAllen: 7PM at Central Perk sound good?
ViVaVoom: Perfect. See you there.
I think about this, look at my watch–6:55. Wow. Punctual.
“Hate to tell you this, dude, but one, I’m married, and two, I don’t even have a Tinder account. For obvious reasons. Good luck, though.”
Before he had the chance to look embarrassed, an obviously-extroverted woman burst through the door, red hair seeming to glow with the intensity of neon, bangles making a metallic clanking song with her movement.
The stranger looks relieved, and gives Vivian a warm hug. “Ha! Isn’t it crazy how we never even double-checked each others’ names? Oh well. We’re both here now. Shall we?” He opens up his elbow in a window for Vivian to insert her arm. “Sorry about the mix up,” he says, tilting his head my way.
“Understandable. Have fun!”
As I watch them sit down to a table of their own, I giggle behind my cup, and resolve to try to make the last drops count. Who knew what other potential amusement could happen in the next few minutes?
While I’ve done quite a few crafts in the last several months, my lack of posting them on my blog, and more specifically lack of posting what’s on my original craft-to-do-list , makes it look as if I’ve not done much at all. So I guess it’s time to get caught up. This June was an amazing little girl’s 4th birthday party. Quite frankly, I love this girl (she’s my friend’s daughter) because she has so many endearing qualities: she loves to read, she’s creative, she’s sassy, she’s intelligent, she’s caring, and she’s brave. She’s not afraid to just burst out into a song and dance routine. One day, when I have a kid, I can only hope she’ll be like her. She’s like most girly-girls her age, loving sparkles and puffy tutu-skirted dresses, pretending to be a princess and throw tea parties. She also loves making wishes. There is one particular memory I have of her: picking up a dandelion with the utmost care, as if it were fragile china. She blows on it gently, saying that those wishes were very valuable! I kept this memory in mind as her birthday approached, and decided to make her a necklace of wishes and glitter and purple (her–and my–favorite color). To go with it, I made a birthday card with a dandelion on it; the stem being the real stem of the special dandelion I picked for her necklace: Being someone who isn’t much of an artist, I’m proud of how this turned out. I looked up a tutorial online (which unfortunately I can’t find now, otherwise I’d link to it) and did many drafts beforehand. Then came the necklace! I looked up tutorials online, but nothing quite fit exactly what I wanted to do, so I did a hybrid of sorts. Here’s what I did, in pictures:
Step #9: Give away as gift, or gift it to yourself! 🙂 I loved the way it looked so much, and have enough materials leftover, that I may make one for myself! The beautiful thing about this necklace is that it spans ages. It’s just as fun for a thirty-two-year-old as a four-year-old. What was the result, you ask? She loved it. After she opened all her presents, the first thing she asked was to put on her necklace so she could make some birthday wishes. And also, it matched her pretty purple birthday princess outfit so well. And then she proceeded to go play in the mud. Have I told you yet how much I want my daughter to be like this little lady??? 🙂