Posted in Uncategorized

Wednesday Thursday Mashup: This Space is Reserved

Dear Readers,

Under Construction

Sorry, folks.  This is all the artistic ability I can muster at this time of night.  Mostly this was to avoid any copyrighting problems. 

Otherwise I would’ve totally used one of the many Google images I found.

This sign isn’t just for the site, and not even just for this post in particular.

It’s for me.  I’m under construction.  A teeny bit of it is physically (exercise, getting fit, etc.), but that’s not really the purpose of this post.  A huge part of it is mentally:  my state of mind, where I am in life, a refocus of my goals.

That’s what’s under construction.

You may remember that in several previous posts that when something is difficult for me to say, I tend to do long rambles that don’t seem to make a lot of sense, and it usually takes me awhile to get to the point I’m trying to make.  But then there’s the sort of opposite of that, which I also do.  It’s where my point takes forever to be made, and in the interim, nothing is said.  Crickets.  Because I’m constructing an answer or a good way to say it.  Oftentimes, the silence is because I don’t want to deal with the subject.  I want to shove it under a nice, thick, shag carpet, only uncovering it when shag comes back into style.  😉 (No offense to those with shag carpets.)

You can say it’s denial.  Indeed, it probably is.  But it’s also stressful and gives me much more anxiety than is necessary and/or healthy and/or normal.  But that’s me.  That’s just how I am, for better or worse.  I get anxious over things that most people usually don’t get anxious about.  I’m working on this, but there are some things that take a longer time to get over.

So.

What I originally set out to say was that for the last couple of weeks (maybe more), I’ve been drafting my life’s “mission statement”.  It’s my motto, my words to live by, my tagline, my personal creed.  I got a little help from the Franklin Covey website, and I’m trying to craft it to be just right.  My plan was to post it last Wednesday, then I deferred it to yesterday (Wednesday), then thought I might be able to post it today.  No such luck, though.

I keep avoiding it.  And really, I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because I don’t want to reduce my values to a paragraph (doubtful).  Maybe it’s because I don’t want to figure out what’s important to me (also doubtful).  Most likely, though, it’s because I don’t want to see these words of what I believe in and what I strive for on paper, because I’m afraid it’ll just reinforce how the life I’m currently living is so painfully far away from what I strive for it to be.

But I’m pushing myself beyond my comfort zone to finish it.  Because I can’t hide in denial forever.  The painful part of being a responsible adult is that you have to deal with reality.  So hang tight, dear readers.  Next Wednesday’s space is reserved, and I really really hope to have it filled with my mission statement.  🙂

Wish me luck.

To Constructing the You that You Want to Be,

Violet

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Posted in Spiritual Sundays

Spiritual Sunday: Spiritual Cleansing

The ever-appearing *disclaimer*.  Read, please and thank you!  🙂

Confession:  I have not been doing so good lately, and it all came to a head last night, where the environment that I was in contained all the ingredients to trigger every single one of my insecurities.  My social anxiety, which I am usually okay at disguising and/or containing, came out full force.  I spent the better part of the six-hour get-together with friends and some new acquaintances doubting my self-worth and having a negative tape on loop in my brain saying how everyone there probably thought I was a prudish, uptight, idiotic excuse for a woman who had air between her ears.  The day ended with a complete mental breakdown and the ugly crying that leaves you with red, puffy eyes; snot dripping out of your nose; and a huge headache that leaves you feeling emotionally drained all of the following day.

Besides some good hugs and words of encouragement, the hubby tried to comfort me by offering up the suggestion of organizing my craft room.  Since the move, the room that I had high hopes for and had envisioned to be my sanctuary of creativity became a dumping ground for boxes we planned on unpacking at a later time.  So much so that it became impossible to even step into the room without risk of breaking your neck, stepping on something sharp, or accidentally crushing something fragile in a box behind the door.  In other words, good luck finding the floor.

So began the creation of my sanctuary.  It felt pretty cathartic, to think about organization instead of the demons that were haunting me.  We blasted some music and even got some giggles in.  It felt good to start getting that room in order, especially since it has been something I’ve been putting off in favor of doing more stressful, happiness-sucking things, like job-hunting.  I allowed myself to look at what I unpacked, and for a few blissful moments, I let the dreams of what cute crafty things I can make push out the ugly thoughts I’d been having.  We didn’t finish, but I felt a bit lighter nonetheless, and I’m hoping to make more progress tomorrow.  Afterwards, we allowed ourselves the indulgence of a meal at Arby’s.  Their curly fries dipped in horsey sauce is one of my ultimate comfort foods.  The whole process really helped to put a lovelier note to the end of the week, and for that I’m thankful.

Here are some pictures of the job!

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Look!  A pathway!  And a completely-cleared piece of carpet!

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The left side of my newly-organized craft room closet.  This is my gift-wrapping side, with my collection of gift wrap, ribbons, tissue paper, gift boxes, and gift bags…

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…and my trusty guard dog, Scout.  He was the first and only stuffed animal I’ve ever won playing a game at the fair.  I think it was one of those shoot-water-in-the-clown’s-mouth-to-fill-up-the-balloon-and-burst-it games.

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Wrapping accoutrement compartmentalized into separate bins.

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The ribbon bin.  This makes it look like there is SO much less than there really is in there.  Trust me, though.  Layers.  Lots of ’em.

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The right side of my closet, which I’ve dubbed the “needle” side.  Which sounds really bad, but I didn’t mean syringes.  I mean it has all the crafts that require a needle of some sort:  knitting, crocheting, sewing.  And of course all the stuff that goes with said crafts, like fabric, yarn…

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…and a guardian of the right side to balance out Scout’s presence on the left side.  This is Rocky, named so because he looks a bit like a rock star, more specifically Gene Simmons (or whoever it is in KISS who has the star painted on their eye).  He’s a knitting angel that a coworker made for me a few years ago.  I absolutely adore him.  I love that he has his own knitting needle and ball of yarn!

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Better view of my organized fabric, sorted by color.

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The trash we accumulated, along with the trash that was in my mind.

To Getting Rid of Your Demons,

Violet