Posted in Written Word Wednesdays

Written Word Wednesday: My Own Truth

*taps microphone* Ahem…ahem.  Is this thing on???

Dear Readers!!!

I’m afraid I’m a bit rusty with this whole writing a blog post thing, so this may be a bit sloppy.  BUT, I am writing, and that is something. How have you all been? I know for me it has been almost a full year and a half since I’ve written anything, and boy, has my life been a whirlwind since I last wrote!

I have to say that I’ve been out of sorts for awhile.  Those who know me know how much I love reading and writing. I don’t think I’ve written anything significant since at least September of last year (it’s most likely longer). It is almost March–three months into 2016–and I have yet to finish my first book of the new year (I’m about halfway through). Not good enough, I say. Not. Good. Enough.

Mr Lemoncello Library
If any of you were curious, here’s the book I’m halfway done with. It’s marked as ages 8-12, and honestly, that’s all I can deal with right now. It’s been quite entertaining so far, though!

I’ve been trying to get the willpower up to do a new blog post for at least the last several months. A couple days ago, inspiration struck. I saw a link on The Daily Post, and I immediately thought, “Okay. I’m ready to start blogging again”:

Emerson Blast of a Trumpet
BAM. There it is. If any of you have been following me since the beginning of my blog where the background was the Sticky Notes on my desktop, you’d know why this spoke to me so much.

Probably since around October or November, I’ve hit what some might call a quarter-life crisis.  Problem is, I’m 8 years past the quarter-life crisis age.  I was basically given an ultimatum to figure out the ONE SPECIFIC THING I wanted to do with my life. No Plan B-Z. No different paths to choose from. No “umbrella” goal where I can branch out into different possibilities.  “It’s too many options,” my ultimatum-giver (who shall remain nameless) said.  “Nothing else has worked so far, so it’s time to put all your eggs in one basket and just go for it.”

So I’ve gone on a sometimes-painful, sometimes-exhausting, always-terrifying soul search these last several months.

Truth? I’ve come up pretty empty. I started a Pinterest board entitled “Who I Want to Be”, and I have to admit I almost broke down in tears because I couldn’t come up with one single pin for at least a month. (That’s saying a lot, considering that I have a total of over 8,000 pins for all my other boards. So yeah, obviously no problems there.) I’m nearly done with the newest edition of “What Color is Your Parachute?” (this is the third time I’ve attempted to finish this book over the years, and this time is the closest I’ve gotten to actually finishing it), and that’s helping a bit. We’ll see where that goes.

Loooooooooong story short, after nearly 34 years of life, I’ve come back to the horrifying question of “Who Am I?”.

I thought I knew. I came out of college, a bit overconfident in my success of figuring out what I wanted to do, while others my age had no freaking clue what they wanted to do or who they wanted to be.

Now I’m struggling with that.

What I do know–the one, universal thing; the compass that has remained true for what I feel has been my entire life–is that I love words.  I have always loved words, and I will always love words.  So that’s a start.  Let’s start with that, and go from there, shall we?

Here are some of my favorite quotes. My “trumpet blasts”, if you will:

Another Emerson quote:

What is Success?

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.

 

This one is my very favorite Martin Luther King, Jr. quote. Confession: I first came upon it while reading Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl’s “Beautiful Creatures”. But I loved it so much that I’ve been strongly considering getting it as a tattoo.  I even went so far as to take some Sharpies and writing it on my thigh to see if I liked the look of it on my body. I did. 🙂

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.

I have so many favorite quotes, but these have been the ones I’ve gone to over and over again throughout the years; the ones that give me strength; the ones I share with others time and time again. So yes, I suppose you could say these are my “Bible verses” of sorts.

Now comes the hard part: my own truth. The message I’d like to share and have others put in their inspirational journals. Well, I think that would take a lot of searching through my old journals and poems. For now, I’ll leave these quotes from a poem I wrote during my whirlwind last year, when a lot of my writing came from when I was a mentor for kiddos (more specifics later):

I’ll be a warrior of confidence,
turn the careful stippling on of my face paint
into a definitive slap so forceful
that wet specks splatter onto my eyelashes,
and I don’t blink.

 

an arrogant sword is made stronger
by tempering it with humility

 

I think at this point in my life, those two speak to my truth more than anything right now.  I’m striving to be confident. In so many aspects of my life: myself, my future, my goals, my opinions. I’m not there yet, but I hope to work on getting to that “definitive slap” level.

As far as the arrogance, I’d like to think I’m far from that. But I’ve run into a lot of arrogant people, and I hope to bring them the humility to temper their arrogant sword.

And there it is!  Whoa! A completed blog post! My first in almost a year and a half. I’m going to click publish now, before I lose the nerve.

But before I do that, some questions to answer in the comments:  what is YOUR own truth? What are your favorite quotes that get you through life?  What are you struggling with right now?  Are you going through a crisis of some sort?  Do you know what you want to do with your life?  What inspires you?  Or if anything, just give me a big ol’ hello and let me know how it’s going. I’ve missed you all. ❤

To Finding Your Own Truth,

Violet

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Wednesday Thursday Mashup: This Space is Reserved

Dear Readers,

Under Construction

Sorry, folks.  This is all the artistic ability I can muster at this time of night.  Mostly this was to avoid any copyrighting problems. 

Otherwise I would’ve totally used one of the many Google images I found.

This sign isn’t just for the site, and not even just for this post in particular.

It’s for me.  I’m under construction.  A teeny bit of it is physically (exercise, getting fit, etc.), but that’s not really the purpose of this post.  A huge part of it is mentally:  my state of mind, where I am in life, a refocus of my goals.

That’s what’s under construction.

You may remember that in several previous posts that when something is difficult for me to say, I tend to do long rambles that don’t seem to make a lot of sense, and it usually takes me awhile to get to the point I’m trying to make.  But then there’s the sort of opposite of that, which I also do.  It’s where my point takes forever to be made, and in the interim, nothing is said.  Crickets.  Because I’m constructing an answer or a good way to say it.  Oftentimes, the silence is because I don’t want to deal with the subject.  I want to shove it under a nice, thick, shag carpet, only uncovering it when shag comes back into style.  😉 (No offense to those with shag carpets.)

You can say it’s denial.  Indeed, it probably is.  But it’s also stressful and gives me much more anxiety than is necessary and/or healthy and/or normal.  But that’s me.  That’s just how I am, for better or worse.  I get anxious over things that most people usually don’t get anxious about.  I’m working on this, but there are some things that take a longer time to get over.

So.

What I originally set out to say was that for the last couple of weeks (maybe more), I’ve been drafting my life’s “mission statement”.  It’s my motto, my words to live by, my tagline, my personal creed.  I got a little help from the Franklin Covey website, and I’m trying to craft it to be just right.  My plan was to post it last Wednesday, then I deferred it to yesterday (Wednesday), then thought I might be able to post it today.  No such luck, though.

I keep avoiding it.  And really, I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because I don’t want to reduce my values to a paragraph (doubtful).  Maybe it’s because I don’t want to figure out what’s important to me (also doubtful).  Most likely, though, it’s because I don’t want to see these words of what I believe in and what I strive for on paper, because I’m afraid it’ll just reinforce how the life I’m currently living is so painfully far away from what I strive for it to be.

But I’m pushing myself beyond my comfort zone to finish it.  Because I can’t hide in denial forever.  The painful part of being a responsible adult is that you have to deal with reality.  So hang tight, dear readers.  Next Wednesday’s space is reserved, and I really really hope to have it filled with my mission statement.  🙂

Wish me luck.

To Constructing the You that You Want to Be,

Violet